Taboo

Keywords: (Non-), Day, Valentine's, Renewal,

When I was emptying my locker I put my old biology textbook in the lunch box. I had another at home. It was a little secret between my biology teacher and I.

Mr. McQueen was my biology teacher. He was an interesting guy. He made science interesting and fun. He could talk about sex all day long, and we all thought it made him the coolest guy alive. He had this subtle way of sneaking facts in that made you think, without realizing it. He was the biology teacher by title, but he gave all his students a very sensible lesson in sex education by showing us facts in a way that fascinated us. He was one of those people who truly planted seeds in life. I guess teaching us about sex was his big thing. Maybe his mom got pregnant when he was a teenager and they hard a hard life because of it, or maybe he had a teenage daughter who got pregnant. You could tell just by talking to him that the cared. In my mind he will always be one of the good guys.

Best of all he paid attention to his students. I would finish my biology work early then sit and read that old biology textbook. I was always four chapters ahead of the rest of the class. While they were chewing gum and idly arguing idly about whether Slaughter's "Up All Night" would sell more copies than Guns N Roses "Mr. Brownstone", I was nose deep in that big biology textbook. After class one day Mr. McQueen asked to stay. I didn't know what to expect. He told me we were getting new biology textbooks for the next school year, and he handed me a huge hardback textbook. It was heavy and the cover was shiny and new. He told me to keep the book, but just keep it between us. I have never been good at accepting gifts. It makes me feel so damned awkward to know someone is thinking about me. I thanked him and tucked the new book away in my backpack. I took the book home and started devouring it page by page.

Two days before summer vacation we were all sitting in Mr. McQueen's class having our last biology discussion for the year. He announced that our textbooks were being replaced and the old ones were going to be junked. If anyone would like, you can keep your old textbooks to read, he told us. He wasn't looking at me, but I knew he was talking to me. I kept my biology book. It was a small thick book. I had got into the habit of carrying it home in my lunch box so none of the other guys would rib me for being a nerd. After class let out Mr. McQueen clapped me on the shoulder and told me he was looking forward to seeing me next year. I sure would like to see him again. Just to know how he's doing.

So as I made my way down the hall with my big stack of books and stuff Nick materialized in the middle of the hallway ahead of me. He palmed both my shoulders and shoved me back hard. I fell backwards, books and papers went flying everywhere. My feet slipped out from under me on the slick wood floor and I fell on my ass hard. A painful jolt went through my whole body. My ears were ringing for a second, it hurt so bad. I looked up to see Nick standing over me. Everyone around me was looking down on me and laughing. My lunch box was lying next to me on the floor. I grabbed it and swung it hard at Nick's legs. It hit his left knee with a loud "thock "noise. His leg buckled and he leaned down, grabbing his knee and cursing. I stood up and grabbed the collar of his shirt with my left hand, then balled up my right fist and popped him a good one right on his big redneck nose.

""Stop"" I yelled, hitting him again. ""Picking"" Another smack, his nose bleeding. ""On"" Another shot, and this time blood flew from his nose like a water balloon full of red dye in his nose had popped. ""ME"!" I shouted, then nailed him square on the nose as hard as I could. He fell backward in the floor, students stepping back away from him like he was some kind of toxic chemical spilling across the hallway floor.

Memories like that always relax me. They don't always come to me so clearly. From the time I was a teenager until now, my sleeping has gradually deteriorated from rest to a grand annoyance. Sometimes I will go three of four days with only a couple of hours of sleep. Every once in a blue moon I will lie down and fall asleep right away, then sleep like a rock for several hours. I don't know what triggers it. Most of the time I lie in bed trying to make sense of my racing thoughts. These days when I do manage to get some sleep, I start dreaming the second I fall asleep. The other night I dreamed there was a big mongrel dog chasing Ginny. She was running like hell and looking back over her shoulder with a frightened look on her face. I was trying to catch up with the dog but I couldn't get close enough to grab its tail. When I finally caught up to the dog I dove and grabbed its long shaggy tail with both hands. The dog turned and barked at me, saliva and foam caked around its mouth. It had big saber like teeth and hungry burning eyes. Only it wasn't a dog's face looking back at me through the growls and sharp teeth. It was mine.

My dreams are always crazy and random like that. Sometimes I will have a brief dream full of crystalline clear images and memories that seem so real I would swear I could smell the honeysuckle and taste the sweet iced tea. I always wake up and lie in bed wrestling with memories and images of feelings and experiences I know I will never have again.

I got out of bed fifteen minutes before the alarm clock was set to go off. I flicked the alarm switch off and stumbled to the bathroom. Not resting well makes me incoherent in the morning. I took a hot shower then sat down on the toilet and bandaged my foot. The cut was in a bad place. Every time I put weight on the foot it wanted to open back up and bleed. I wrapped the bandage tight and carefully stepped down on my injured foot. I picked my foot back up and looked at it. Good, not a drop of blood shown through the white gauze. I got cleaned up and made a pot of coffee. It was misting rain outside. The wind was whipping up. I didn't have a raincoat, but I did have a nice windbreaker. I finished my coffee then got dressed. It wasn't raining bad so I figured I could trot to work and I shouldn't get too wet. I would be a little damp, but not soaking wet.

I set out to work. About halfway there I saw a big puddle of water in the road next to the curb, close to the big truck yard. The chain link fence around the truck yard looked the same color as the stormy sky. I knew that with my luck if I got within a mile of that puddle someone would damned sure drive right through it and splash me. I gave the puddle a wide berth, walking ten feet or so to the right of it. I was almost past the puddle when I hear a sudden noise from behind me. There was a sudden rush of wet splashy footsteps then angry growling and barks. I turned to see a big Rottweiler charging against the fence, growling and snapping at me. An image flashed across my mind, the dog in my dream. I took a few steps back, then tripped over my own feet and fell flat on my ass in the big puddle.

The water was fucking freezing. It was like being hit with a low voltage stun gun. Just what the fucking doctor ordered. The bad part is, it didn't surprise me at all.

"You fucking idiot." I said to myself, slapping at the water indignantly.

The dog was still barking at me. I gave him the finger and walked back home. By the time I got home I was freezing from head to toe. I put a fresh bandage on my foot then changed into dry clothes. My windbreaker was soaking wet so I went without it. When I finally made it to work I walked in the door at one minute past the hour. The kitchen manager was standing by the time clock holding my card. he was staring me down like I was the cat that ate the canary.

"You know today is our busiest day." He said. "If you like your job you might want to make it a priority to get here on time, otherwise you might be "without "a job."

I gave him the dirtiest look I could manage.

"I'm having a bad day. If you want to fire me, then fire me. You pull those nasty ass floor mars in yourself. You know I don't have a car right now and I'm doing the best I can." I responded in a stinging tone.

He handed me the time card then turned to walk away.

"Do better." He said, his back to me.

Yeah, I really got a jump on the day, didn't I? I started pulling the mats in, two at a time. They were wet and slippery. As I was pulling the last two mats in I twisted my ankle and fell. One of the kitchen guys came over and held his hand out, helping me up.

"Thanks." I told him. "Alot."

I guess he could tell by looking at me that I was just about beat.

"Don't sweat it kid." He told me before walking back into the kitchen. "Everybody gets a case of the working man's blues."

The mats smacked against my legs when I fell, and the bottom half of my jeans were soaking wet. It seemed like I couldn't keep dry to save my life. I worked the rest of the day with my ankle throbbing and the pain from my hurt foot pounding away. The damp clammy fabric of my jeans felt like cold dead hands raking across my legs. The day seemed to draw out forever. At the end of my shift I was clocking out when the kitchen manager walked by on his way out the door.

"Hey." I called to him.

He turned and stopped. He looked tired. I know being a kitchen manager is like holding down ten full time jobs. He has to deal with the cooks, the servers being a pain in the ass, the owners expecting him to stretch a penny a fucking mile, and fifteen other things at once. I just couldn't let him leave without saying something to him.

"Listen." I said. "I know my work hasn't been its best lately. I've been putting up with all kinds of unexpected shit lately and things have gotten the better of me. It's not like me to be late for work. I've just got alot to deal with right now."

He looked at me pensively for a moment then nodded his head. The expression on his face seemed to soften a bit.

Keywords: (Non-), Day, Valentine's, Renewal,